Just saw a commercial for something called a Shake Weight which requires making a very inappropriate motion with a wobbley dumbell. Interesting...
Anywho - So it's Sunday night and I am exhausted. Point took a lot out of me. We stood in the sun for almost 8 hours with cocktails, which explains the sunburn on my chest area and arm. Yes, just one arm. The bottom part of my right arm is burnt but the left arm completely missed it. How does that happen? I don't know, but I gotta tell ya, it looks ridiculous.
I am so tired I don't think I'm going to make it to the end of this post. I think it's time to sleeeeeep. Good night blog world.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
The Weekend.
So it's Friday morning. I am sitting at my teeny tiny white desk and completely putting off getting ready for the day. Normally weekends signify one thing to me: WORK WORK WORK. With my class schedule, the only way to stay afloat is to work Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays all day - damn money! Why does everything come back to money? ANYWHO, this weekend is different. I was able to swing having Saturday off so I can accompany the boy to Steven's Point, meet up with some of his friends from college, and simply relax before the last two weeks of the semester overrule my life. It should be a good time. Apparently everyone piles into a bus, gets carted off to some bar called Rusty's on the edge of town, where they procede to spend the day drinking and listening to music with friends. What's bad about that? Afternoon cocktails are always a good time if you ask me.
Before I can leave on said fun trip, I have to endure today's shift and pack before hand so we do not have to stop back by my apartment before leaving. Now if I could only get motivated. Packing for even a weekend trip is always such a pain in the booty. Especially at this time of year when the weather pretty much does Whatever The Heck It Wants. Will it rain? Will it be hot? I don't know - so clearly, I'll overpack and look like a very high maintenance gal in the process. But I can't help it if those shoes don't go with that skirt so I must bring the jeans and the tennis shoes just in case, right?
I'm getting closer to finishing "The Bell Jar." I am planning to bring it on the trip this weekend and finish it in the car. I love reading in the car. I used to do it on every trip we took when I was a kid. After I finish that I have a list growing of things I want to read over the summer. So far the list is as follows:
1. Sylvia Plath's Unabridged Journals (Started it a while ago but gave up during the school year)
2. Jane Smiley "The Age of Grief" (A rec. from my favorite professor who said it'll remind me that marriage and children aren't everything)
3. Lee Smith "Mrs. Darcy and the Blue-Eyed Stranger" (Found this rec. on my favorite author, Sarah Dessen's blog - Apparently Smith was her mentor so I'm incredibly intrigued)
I'm sure I'll continue to add more books to this as summer approaches. I can't seem to get enough of reading lately. When I was a kid, I went through a Read-Everything-Near-Me stage and it seems that I've relapsed. I think this has something to do with my sudden desire to write write write write write. Maybe I outta bring a notebook this weekend in case inspiration strikes... Then again, that might look extremely neurotic. But I digress.
I will leave this post with a few things I am enjoying this morning:
1. Dark Purple Nail Polish. I haven't had my nails painted in a long time. I feel a bit fancy and yet emo at the same time.
2. Missy Higgin's "Night Minds" on Pandora. I don't know how Pandora does it, but it always finds a song that completely envelopes me at the right time. Rarely do I feel disappointed by Pandora.
3. Skinny Vanilla Latte creamer in my coffee. Mmmmm. Thank you International Delight. You are quite Delightful.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Before I can leave on said fun trip, I have to endure today's shift and pack before hand so we do not have to stop back by my apartment before leaving. Now if I could only get motivated. Packing for even a weekend trip is always such a pain in the booty. Especially at this time of year when the weather pretty much does Whatever The Heck It Wants. Will it rain? Will it be hot? I don't know - so clearly, I'll overpack and look like a very high maintenance gal in the process. But I can't help it if those shoes don't go with that skirt so I must bring the jeans and the tennis shoes just in case, right?
I'm getting closer to finishing "The Bell Jar." I am planning to bring it on the trip this weekend and finish it in the car. I love reading in the car. I used to do it on every trip we took when I was a kid. After I finish that I have a list growing of things I want to read over the summer. So far the list is as follows:
1. Sylvia Plath's Unabridged Journals (Started it a while ago but gave up during the school year)
2. Jane Smiley "The Age of Grief" (A rec. from my favorite professor who said it'll remind me that marriage and children aren't everything)
3. Lee Smith "Mrs. Darcy and the Blue-Eyed Stranger" (Found this rec. on my favorite author, Sarah Dessen's blog - Apparently Smith was her mentor so I'm incredibly intrigued)
I'm sure I'll continue to add more books to this as summer approaches. I can't seem to get enough of reading lately. When I was a kid, I went through a Read-Everything-Near-Me stage and it seems that I've relapsed. I think this has something to do with my sudden desire to write write write write write. Maybe I outta bring a notebook this weekend in case inspiration strikes... Then again, that might look extremely neurotic. But I digress.
I will leave this post with a few things I am enjoying this morning:
1. Dark Purple Nail Polish. I haven't had my nails painted in a long time. I feel a bit fancy and yet emo at the same time.
2. Missy Higgin's "Night Minds" on Pandora. I don't know how Pandora does it, but it always finds a song that completely envelopes me at the right time. Rarely do I feel disappointed by Pandora.
3. Skinny Vanilla Latte creamer in my coffee. Mmmmm. Thank you International Delight. You are quite Delightful.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Five Fun Things....
I am feeling rather indifferent to writing anything substantial today so I decided maybe I'll list some random things in no particular order. *deep breathe* ready! go!
1. I am really excited for Hannah and Jay's wedding. It's a little over a month away and we're getting ready for the big day. I'm still searching for shoes that will work with the bridesmaids dress. I've checked Payless, Kohls, JCP's, DSW, and Gap - so far, nothing worthy of noting unfortunately.
2. I am half way through "The Bell Jar" - my first time reading it! I'm not sure how I feel about it. Plath is great and an amazing poet so that's a huge plus. I keep expecting it to have more of a central plot but right now it seems like the whole novel is just this main character, Ester, talking about random experiences. Hoping it all ties together. I'm sure it will.
3. Some person's cell phone keeps going off very loudly and near me and scaring me half to death. Sir, please turn it down. You're in an enclosed space with other human beings and none of us are deaf. Thanks.
4. "Sex and the City 2" had a new trailer out that I just saw - Wow! I am behind the loop. I'm really excited though. It looks like Aiden reappears for a chunk of this movie, and he's look nice! Can't wait for that to come out. I am also very excited to see "Letters to Juliet." It looks corny and silly but I cannot help myself - I love love stories about writers! Gah!
5. I'm going to Steven's Point with Jamie this weekend to meet some of his Point friends. I'm a bit nervous but more excited than anything. A Saturday off from Schneider?!?!? It's amazing and fantastic and beautiful and exciting. Woot!
Have a wonderful day all!
1. I am really excited for Hannah and Jay's wedding. It's a little over a month away and we're getting ready for the big day. I'm still searching for shoes that will work with the bridesmaids dress. I've checked Payless, Kohls, JCP's, DSW, and Gap - so far, nothing worthy of noting unfortunately.
2. I am half way through "The Bell Jar" - my first time reading it! I'm not sure how I feel about it. Plath is great and an amazing poet so that's a huge plus. I keep expecting it to have more of a central plot but right now it seems like the whole novel is just this main character, Ester, talking about random experiences. Hoping it all ties together. I'm sure it will.
3. Some person's cell phone keeps going off very loudly and near me and scaring me half to death. Sir, please turn it down. You're in an enclosed space with other human beings and none of us are deaf. Thanks.
4. "Sex and the City 2" had a new trailer out that I just saw - Wow! I am behind the loop. I'm really excited though. It looks like Aiden reappears for a chunk of this movie, and he's look nice! Can't wait for that to come out. I am also very excited to see "Letters to Juliet." It looks corny and silly but I cannot help myself - I love love stories about writers! Gah!
5. I'm going to Steven's Point with Jamie this weekend to meet some of his Point friends. I'm a bit nervous but more excited than anything. A Saturday off from Schneider?!?!? It's amazing and fantastic and beautiful and exciting. Woot!
Have a wonderful day all!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Early Morning Revelations
So .... it's been a long while since I've been on here. I was reading this morning, a book by my favorite author, and I suddenly got very intrigued about her life. What does Sarah Dessen do when she's not writing the books that highlight my life? In the back section of her books there is always the same short bio about how Sarah lives in North Carolina and teaches at the University of Chapel Hill. 'Well,' I thought to myself, 'I want to go to grad school, maybe they have one there.' Turns out - after a little research - that they do not have a grad program for creative writing (MFA degrees) and disappointingly enough, Sarah no longer works for the U. Slightly saddened by this - now how will I randomly walk into her classroom and say, "Hi! You've influenced my life in ways you'll never even understand..." I'll have to come up with a new plan.
Also as I am reading about Sarah's life, with her dogs and her daughter and her husband, I am suddenly saddened that soon, very soon, I will graduate from college - the place where I have spent most of my time for the last 5 years and I now realize that I won't have this wonderful excuse to sit around and read poetry, or write lots of pointless pages of stuff about life and that kind of random thing that makes no sense... But then I wondered, why can't I continue to do this? And I read more about Sarah - in her bio she took 5.5 years to complete her undergrad (just like me) and she spent a few years post-grad waiting tables and writing (I'd love to do that), then she got her first book published and was hired to teach WITHOUT an MFA (as far as I can tell) - well WHY CANT I? is what came to mind. I had this flash of brilliant light in my head with a choir singing AMEN! at the top of their lungs - Why couldn't I teach at a college level? I loved being a TA with my CW professor last semester. It was one of the most uplifting and interesting experiences I've ever had. I want to teach. I want to be submerged in writing All The Time. I want to sit and read and discuss fiction and poetry with people a lot - every day if I can. It keeps my mind happy. I literally can feel my brain smiling when I am reading an EE Cummings poem or learning something new about how to write a convincing character. So this is the plan - graduate at UWGB, write every day, and do what I can to stay creative, even if that means waiting tables some day.
After all this super intense thinking about my future and what I want to do, I feel very worn out. I was awakened by Jamie around 7 am saying "Time to get up..." in that way that means "Get out of bed right now or you'll make me late for class... again." I can't help that 7 am is very very early for me. Yet another thing I'd like to do - Learn to get up early and enjoy it.
So I sit her procrastinating another boring analysis paper of a movie for Intro to Film that I did not watch, and wondering if anything is going to turn out the way that I hope it does. Probably not. But isn't that why we write? Those always turn out the way I want....
Have a beautiful day out there, world.
Also as I am reading about Sarah's life, with her dogs and her daughter and her husband, I am suddenly saddened that soon, very soon, I will graduate from college - the place where I have spent most of my time for the last 5 years and I now realize that I won't have this wonderful excuse to sit around and read poetry, or write lots of pointless pages of stuff about life and that kind of random thing that makes no sense... But then I wondered, why can't I continue to do this? And I read more about Sarah - in her bio she took 5.5 years to complete her undergrad (just like me) and she spent a few years post-grad waiting tables and writing (I'd love to do that), then she got her first book published and was hired to teach WITHOUT an MFA (as far as I can tell) - well WHY CANT I? is what came to mind. I had this flash of brilliant light in my head with a choir singing AMEN! at the top of their lungs - Why couldn't I teach at a college level? I loved being a TA with my CW professor last semester. It was one of the most uplifting and interesting experiences I've ever had. I want to teach. I want to be submerged in writing All The Time. I want to sit and read and discuss fiction and poetry with people a lot - every day if I can. It keeps my mind happy. I literally can feel my brain smiling when I am reading an EE Cummings poem or learning something new about how to write a convincing character. So this is the plan - graduate at UWGB, write every day, and do what I can to stay creative, even if that means waiting tables some day.
After all this super intense thinking about my future and what I want to do, I feel very worn out. I was awakened by Jamie around 7 am saying "Time to get up..." in that way that means "Get out of bed right now or you'll make me late for class... again." I can't help that 7 am is very very early for me. Yet another thing I'd like to do - Learn to get up early and enjoy it.
So I sit her procrastinating another boring analysis paper of a movie for Intro to Film that I did not watch, and wondering if anything is going to turn out the way that I hope it does. Probably not. But isn't that why we write? Those always turn out the way I want....
Have a beautiful day out there, world.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
men are bullshit
Break-ups are something we all go through at some point. They are a necessary evil of the single girl's life, so why when we get broken up with, are we so absolutely shocked and broken?
When we get dumped by someone we cared about, it seems like the end of the world. The sun seems dimmer, external noises fade into background noise, and friends do their best to convince you that "its for the best." If it's for the best then why does it feel so awful? And why do we justify away painful break-ups by saying that we'll find someone "better" soon? If we hadn't thought that person was great, we wouldn't have been with them in the first place. What is the point of being with someone if you think you could do better the minute things get tough?
Friends and family can only tell us what they think we need to hear during these break-up times. "It'll be OK," "You'll find someone better," "This is for the best," "You'll feel better in a few days." But how often do these things actually mend a broken heart? They are temporary band aids designed by each of us to cover up what is bubbling under the surface - pain, humiliation, anger, hurt, resent, regret....
We, as women, validate our lives through the acceptence of a man. Instead of looking inside and finding a place to be happy with our individual opinions and feelings about who we are, there are days when we just need a man to tell us we're beautiful or amazing. Why can't I tell myself that I'm beautiful and amazing and feel the same thing?
I guess I misjudged my last relationship. I thought this person was kind and thoughtful and patient. I thought he cared about me and was willing to be in a relationship but, as it turns out, he wasn't ready for the challenges of a relationship at all.
The walls have already been rebuilt and they are twice as strong as they were before he came along and demolished what I had worked so hard to protect - my heart.
When we get dumped by someone we cared about, it seems like the end of the world. The sun seems dimmer, external noises fade into background noise, and friends do their best to convince you that "its for the best." If it's for the best then why does it feel so awful? And why do we justify away painful break-ups by saying that we'll find someone "better" soon? If we hadn't thought that person was great, we wouldn't have been with them in the first place. What is the point of being with someone if you think you could do better the minute things get tough?
Friends and family can only tell us what they think we need to hear during these break-up times. "It'll be OK," "You'll find someone better," "This is for the best," "You'll feel better in a few days." But how often do these things actually mend a broken heart? They are temporary band aids designed by each of us to cover up what is bubbling under the surface - pain, humiliation, anger, hurt, resent, regret....
We, as women, validate our lives through the acceptence of a man. Instead of looking inside and finding a place to be happy with our individual opinions and feelings about who we are, there are days when we just need a man to tell us we're beautiful or amazing. Why can't I tell myself that I'm beautiful and amazing and feel the same thing?
I guess I misjudged my last relationship. I thought this person was kind and thoughtful and patient. I thought he cared about me and was willing to be in a relationship but, as it turns out, he wasn't ready for the challenges of a relationship at all.
The walls have already been rebuilt and they are twice as strong as they were before he came along and demolished what I had worked so hard to protect - my heart.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
ambition...
what makes a good writer?
is it hours of writing maticulously on a laptop or furiously scribbling away in a notebook? creating something out of nothing? putting thought to paper even when thought is jumbled up confusion and piles of unrecognizable word?
who decides these things?
i have all the ambition in the world to be a fantastic writer. but here i sit ....
alone in my room.
reading the Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath - one of the most praised poets of my generation. what have i accomplished? this woman died at the age of 30 by her own hand and she became ONE OF THE GREATEST POETS of a GENERATION. what can i say about myself that even comes close to that??? i will be 30 in 8 short years and i've come up with, maybe, a handful of poems and one decent short story, that could use some work.
i spout off all these great things i want to do but instead of doing them. i am doing nothing but wishing upon ambition that is filled with bloated dreams.
i want to make those dreams a reality...
and the time to do it
is now.
is it hours of writing maticulously on a laptop or furiously scribbling away in a notebook? creating something out of nothing? putting thought to paper even when thought is jumbled up confusion and piles of unrecognizable word?
who decides these things?
i have all the ambition in the world to be a fantastic writer. but here i sit ....
alone in my room.
reading the Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath - one of the most praised poets of my generation. what have i accomplished? this woman died at the age of 30 by her own hand and she became ONE OF THE GREATEST POETS of a GENERATION. what can i say about myself that even comes close to that??? i will be 30 in 8 short years and i've come up with, maybe, a handful of poems and one decent short story, that could use some work.
i spout off all these great things i want to do but instead of doing them. i am doing nothing but wishing upon ambition that is filled with bloated dreams.
i want to make those dreams a reality...
and the time to do it
is now.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
oy with the poodles already...
so i'm in this relationship with this boy... let's call him... G.
G and i have been doing well, i think. most of the time we are very good. we hang out, get along, chat, share things, laugh with each other.
however,
i told him that i think i might love him and he did not say it back. that is the first time i've ever had that happen to me ... ever. every single guy that i've been with or said that to has always said it back.
maybe i'm being childish or immature but i dunno how to handle this situation. this is the most normal relationship that i've ever been in - i'm having a Carrie Bradshaw/Aiden moment. he's too good to me and i'm freaking out inside because i'm not used to being treated so well.
what is wrong with me?
G and i have been doing well, i think. most of the time we are very good. we hang out, get along, chat, share things, laugh with each other.
however,
i told him that i think i might love him and he did not say it back. that is the first time i've ever had that happen to me ... ever. every single guy that i've been with or said that to has always said it back.
maybe i'm being childish or immature but i dunno how to handle this situation. this is the most normal relationship that i've ever been in - i'm having a Carrie Bradshaw/Aiden moment. he's too good to me and i'm freaking out inside because i'm not used to being treated so well.
what is wrong with me?
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