Break-ups are something we all go through at some point. They are a necessary evil of the single girl's life, so why when we get broken up with, are we so absolutely shocked and broken?
When we get dumped by someone we cared about, it seems like the end of the world. The sun seems dimmer, external noises fade into background noise, and friends do their best to convince you that "its for the best." If it's for the best then why does it feel so awful? And why do we justify away painful break-ups by saying that we'll find someone "better" soon? If we hadn't thought that person was great, we wouldn't have been with them in the first place. What is the point of being with someone if you think you could do better the minute things get tough?
Friends and family can only tell us what they think we need to hear during these break-up times. "It'll be OK," "You'll find someone better," "This is for the best," "You'll feel better in a few days." But how often do these things actually mend a broken heart? They are temporary band aids designed by each of us to cover up what is bubbling under the surface - pain, humiliation, anger, hurt, resent, regret....
We, as women, validate our lives through the acceptence of a man. Instead of looking inside and finding a place to be happy with our individual opinions and feelings about who we are, there are days when we just need a man to tell us we're beautiful or amazing. Why can't I tell myself that I'm beautiful and amazing and feel the same thing?
I guess I misjudged my last relationship. I thought this person was kind and thoughtful and patient. I thought he cared about me and was willing to be in a relationship but, as it turns out, he wasn't ready for the challenges of a relationship at all.
The walls have already been rebuilt and they are twice as strong as they were before he came along and demolished what I had worked so hard to protect - my heart.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
ambition...
what makes a good writer?
is it hours of writing maticulously on a laptop or furiously scribbling away in a notebook? creating something out of nothing? putting thought to paper even when thought is jumbled up confusion and piles of unrecognizable word?
who decides these things?
i have all the ambition in the world to be a fantastic writer. but here i sit ....
alone in my room.
reading the Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath - one of the most praised poets of my generation. what have i accomplished? this woman died at the age of 30 by her own hand and she became ONE OF THE GREATEST POETS of a GENERATION. what can i say about myself that even comes close to that??? i will be 30 in 8 short years and i've come up with, maybe, a handful of poems and one decent short story, that could use some work.
i spout off all these great things i want to do but instead of doing them. i am doing nothing but wishing upon ambition that is filled with bloated dreams.
i want to make those dreams a reality...
and the time to do it
is now.
is it hours of writing maticulously on a laptop or furiously scribbling away in a notebook? creating something out of nothing? putting thought to paper even when thought is jumbled up confusion and piles of unrecognizable word?
who decides these things?
i have all the ambition in the world to be a fantastic writer. but here i sit ....
alone in my room.
reading the Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath - one of the most praised poets of my generation. what have i accomplished? this woman died at the age of 30 by her own hand and she became ONE OF THE GREATEST POETS of a GENERATION. what can i say about myself that even comes close to that??? i will be 30 in 8 short years and i've come up with, maybe, a handful of poems and one decent short story, that could use some work.
i spout off all these great things i want to do but instead of doing them. i am doing nothing but wishing upon ambition that is filled with bloated dreams.
i want to make those dreams a reality...
and the time to do it
is now.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
oy with the poodles already...
so i'm in this relationship with this boy... let's call him... G.
G and i have been doing well, i think. most of the time we are very good. we hang out, get along, chat, share things, laugh with each other.
however,
i told him that i think i might love him and he did not say it back. that is the first time i've ever had that happen to me ... ever. every single guy that i've been with or said that to has always said it back.
maybe i'm being childish or immature but i dunno how to handle this situation. this is the most normal relationship that i've ever been in - i'm having a Carrie Bradshaw/Aiden moment. he's too good to me and i'm freaking out inside because i'm not used to being treated so well.
what is wrong with me?
G and i have been doing well, i think. most of the time we are very good. we hang out, get along, chat, share things, laugh with each other.
however,
i told him that i think i might love him and he did not say it back. that is the first time i've ever had that happen to me ... ever. every single guy that i've been with or said that to has always said it back.
maybe i'm being childish or immature but i dunno how to handle this situation. this is the most normal relationship that i've ever been in - i'm having a Carrie Bradshaw/Aiden moment. he's too good to me and i'm freaking out inside because i'm not used to being treated so well.
what is wrong with me?
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