oh, what a night...

its 3 in the afternoon on a Thursday and I am hung over. what happened to my tolerence? i used to be able to at least judge how much i could consume without totally losing it. now i'm all over the place. sucky.

i went out for Karen's birthday last night. she just turned 21 and we had a lot of fun. i went out with the boy and his friends. they are so much fun and utterly hilarious. the boy and i are doing well i suppose. i don't really know what to say about that. i guess the truth is that i'm terribly afraid right now. he came into my life right when i was trying to get rid of that pesky broken hearted feeling that was tugging at me from all sides. i still have that feeling sometimes... well, more than sometimes but it's becoming less. he's a good guy. he treats me like a princess. i don't deserve to be treated so well, honestly. i'm following him down this road tho and we'll see where it goes. i don't wanna give up on someone who is great because of someone who completely broke me. then i'm the fool and i'm alone.

note to you, if you ever read this: i hope you're doing well. i miss talking to you. i almost sent you a message the other day but stopped myself. i dunno how to be OK with what happened but i'm trying to move on. doing the best i can anyhow. i hope you're happy out there. there's a song i wanted you to listen to but it just seems ridiculous now... maybe some day. i hope she's treating you right.

signing off - have a good night cyber world.

why do i always blog late at night?

almost midnight and i have this overwhelming feeling that i have no purpose and i'm going no where. i feel very torn about how i've been living my life lately. i LOVE my friends, i like my school, my grades are pretty decent i guess... so what is missing? i want to get outta here like immediately. ever since ireland i keep itching to travel - everywhere and anywhere. i feel like i'm wasting time sitting around green bay doing nothing but study, work, study, work, study, hang out, work, work, work...

i want to go to italy (without the earthquakes), i want to see spain, i want to be in paris and eat french cuisine. i want to see asia and have the time of my life. i feel like i'm just marking time right now until something life-altering happens. something life-altering already did happen and i haven't quite recovered from it yet...

how do you forget someone who changes your world? how do you pretend it didn't happen? how do you let someone new in if the someone who changed your world also wrecked it? how do i lower the walls for another person who could crush me?

how do i figure out all this without the help of my friends who are completely sick of hearing about it?