Reminder....

A very good friend of mine reminded me last night that life is precious. I hope that I never take my friends for granted, that my family is top priority - always, that living is a gift we're given and we should do something fun, loving, exciting, hilarious, ecstatic every single day to ensure that each day is lived to the fullest. Once you leave this world, we don't know if you can ever come back so I don't want to forget that there are beautiful things here I don't want to forget: lovers, friendships, family, the scent of lilac, poetry, laughter, sunshine, rainstorms, peanut butter, happiness ....

Please don't let me forget.

Random Fear.

A poem that I wrote is being published by a large arts journal called The Peninsula Pulse, based out of Door County. When I found out, I was incredibly ecstatic, as you can imagine. This arts journal has a circulation rate of 20,000 copies per month, and my little poem is going to be published in it for people to read. How could I not be thrilled? At least, that was my inital reaction. The more I think about it, the more I begin to be scared/worried. What if people don't like it? Better yet, what if people hate it? Or worse, insecurity comes into play here - what if this is the only good poem I'll ever write? I'm so afraid that I can't live up to the "amazing poem" that I wrote in a moment of complete and utter despair several months ago. Will I have to let myself fall back down into a pit of anguish and depression to write another award-winning poem? Is everything I write after this going to dull in comparison to this one thing that I was able to pull from the guts of my bitter hate for my past?

God, I hope not. I really hope not.

In other news, I am so horribly pissed off at Cellcom. My phone is basically junk. It turns off all the time, and as of this morning, it decided to be super quiet. I can barely hear the people speaking on the other end of the line. So I've been trying desperately to buy a new phone. Unfortunately I get my cell through my dad's business so I have to go through his agent to buy a new one. Her name is Sally - or Silly Sally as my dad refers to her. So after a while of back and forth with my dad about which phone would work best, I called Silly Sally about two weeks ago to get her direct opinion. She's a cell phone agent, she would know, right? Wrong. She tells me that my best bet would be a Blackberry (no, thanks) or the HTC Hero (a comparison to the iTouch). I told my dad, "HTC Hero, stat!" So he goes back to his business peeps and asks them to buy me the HTC Hero through Silly Sally asap. Silly Sally tells the business peeps, "That is a really suck phone. I won't sell her it." WHAT? Didn't you just tell me that it was one of my better options less than two weeks ago, Silly Sally? I can see why you're so Silly. Your job is a total sham of selling people stupid lies and false hopes. UGH!

That's the phone rant of today. Hopefully airing it out on the blog here will help me let it go and have a good day today. It's beautiful out and I have lots of errands to run, not to mention dinner with two of my oldest friends, Laurie and Josh, then a hair cut! OH goodness.... maybe a haircut in my fragile state isn't such a good idea... Oh well!

Splinterheads

This morning, after being woken up by a loud car horn beeping repeatedly and people screaming at me, (thanks downstairs people for the lovely wake up call), I had some coffee and randomly picked a movie to watch on Netflix called, "Splinterheads." It's a totally adorable movie about a guy who is a dork townie who falls in love with a carnie girl in a travelling carnival. It's pretty cute.The only downside is that the carnie girl is really into Geo-caching which is something that reminds me of an ex bf. He tried to get me into it - long story short. Things ended not-so-great, and the whole thing needs to evaporate immediately so I can enjoy this movie through-and-through.

I am seriously looking for a new place to live. I can't stand the people downstairs anymore. The ant problem here is getting out of control. I love the apartment and the location is nice but the cons are starting to outweigh the pros here. Jamie and I have been checking Craig's List for me but anything in the good neighborhoods is too expensive while I am in school. I'm going to pick up a Sunday paper this weekend and check out the classifieds.

Besides that, mom recruited me to help with my aunt, Linda's wedding decorations. Yesterday I stamped about 100 little paper bag thingies, and made 7 or 8 little signs for the Candy Project my mom is doing as a gift to Linda. They are putting different types of candy is odd-shaped glass dishes that people can scoop into little bags and take away from the wedding as a gift. It's kind of cute. The stamping thing just took foreverrrrrr, but I am done as of right now. Let's hope Linda doesn't change her mind and decide she doesn't want candy anymore. Ahhhh!

Work Out Videos and Day Dreams

Seriously, why do the people in work out videos always look so damn happy? The person directing the video should tell them to look natural. NO one is that happy when they're sweating their butts off and the instructor is shouting, "YOU GOT THIS!" They are thinking the same thing going through my head, "Just shut up, lady! I know I've got this!" With all the sarcasm running through my mind during the video though, I do love the Fat-Burning Pilates work out tape on Netflix. I sweat. I breath heavy. My legs hurt the next day. All signs point to a great work out being done, which is a good thing! Tomorrow back to work which means back to the gym. Bleh.

I spent my last two days off work hanging out at Jamie's house. We literally did nothing both days and it was kind of nice, even if I did feel like a slacker. As I said, back to the grind tomorrow for 4 days. Ugh. I should really try to marry rich so I can just do pilates and write all day long. That'd be the life. I'd hire a personal pilates trainer to come to my house every morning and whoop my arse into shape. I'd hire a cook who makes perfect grilled chicken and glazed green beans for dinner, and also hand makes frozen yogurt. Mmmm. I'd move into a house that doesn't have an ant infestation, and buy a big screen television set. I'd exhile my possibly-fat-and-lazy rich husband to the pool house while my girlfriends and I gossiped about life over wine in the main house.... Ah, yes. I could go on forever...

Guilt!

I've been feeling bad about how I've been eating lately even though I'm TRYING so hard to be good.

Today:
1 Cup Chicken Wild Rice soup
Half a turkey sandwich with Mayo
100 Calorie pack
4 squares of sausage pizza (leftovers)
1 glass of Raspberry Lemonade

It's the pizza! It calls to me/makes me feel horrible about myself. After work I did go on a 25 min rollerblade excursion. Not my longest rollerblading fun but my mom was on her way over and I didn't want to be gone very long. She was here when I got back freaking out that I wasn't home! EEEEK! And I JUST got done doing 45 min of fat-burning Crunch Pilates. Oh my god. I haven't been this sweaty in a long time. I think I made up (kind of) for the pizza (mmm pizza).

This blog is rapidly becoming about my boring diet....

More later.

Let's get physical! Physical!

Workout Recap:
Tuesday - 30 min walk with Laurie
Wednesday - 30 min beginner's pilates
Thursday - 30 min rollerblading around the neighborhood

Planned Workouts:
Thurs - Elliptical after work
Friday - Elliptical after work
Saturday - Elliptical after work
Sunday - YOU GET THE POINT!

Food for Today:
Lunch = 1 grilled turkey and cheese on white bread
1 glass of Simply Lemonade Raspberry flavor

Dinner = 1 Lean Pocket
1 cup red grapes
1 90-calorie granola bar
1 100-calorie pack of pretzels
1 Light Key Lime Pie yogurt

I'm back on the ball, people! And I am loving it. I can't remember the last time I went rollerblading; I forgot how much I truly love it. I didn't want to stop today! It was so fun, and it's so lovely outside. I wish I wasn't going back to work today. Bleh. What a waste of summer. At least I have three days off every week or I'd go NUTS!

Have a fabulous day!

FIVE

1. Grilled corn-on-the-cob, burgers, and hot dogs on a nice summer day = heaven! Jamie and I did a spur-of-the-moment cookout today which was amazingly delicious. Now I just have to force myself to do Pilates tonight so I don't feel so guilty about the extra butter on my corn. Eeeeek!

2. I'm currently trying to tackle 4 books simultaneously - all recommended by close friends. First is "Lucky" by Alice Sebold, which is an amazingly graphic memoir about her college experience of being raped and everything that followed. It is very intense, and the book I am furthest in. Then there's Kurt Vonnegaut's "Slaughterhouse Five" which I, as an English major, feel obligated to read because of all this hooey that Vonnegaut is a literary God figure (We shall see.) I am only about 5 pages into that one. Next is "Go Ask Alice," written by Anonymous. I've been told by several people to read this one in the past and am now just getting around to it. It's written in a diary format as the book is actually based on real-life events. So far I'm about 25 pages in, and although the main character has a strong voice, I am having a hard time getting into the diary format. I need scenes, story, plot, characters, dialogue. It's what has been engraved into my literary heart for a long time. Lastly is another memoir recommended by my drag queen friend, Matt/Myranda. It's called "I am not myself these days." It's apparently about a 7 year span of the author's life when he was living in New York working the drag queen scene at night and advertising in day light. I've been told it's hilarious! I just haven't started it yet seeing as how Matt/Myranda gave it to me yesterday.

3. With all this reading, I feel I almost forgot to mention my new found love of Mario Kart on Wii. I am seriously addicted. When I am at Jamie's, it's only a matter of time before I say, "Can we play Mario Kart now?!" while saliva drips down my face.... Ok maybe not literally, but metaphorically there is saliva.

4. I still have my notebook that I bought at B&N a few weeks ago. I've written in it a few times but continuously forget to stick it in my purse when I run from the house in a panic (I am late for everything recently!) I hope I can still get myself into the habit of writing constantly.

5. Since I could potentially piss off many people by saying this next thing, I'll make the point quick and short. I don't understand the interest in the show, "Glee." I've seen a few episodes and each one is even more stomach churning than the last. It's like "7th Heaven" with music. Too Mickey Mouse club on crack for my taste. Sorry, Glee Fans!

That is all. Back to work tomorrow. *Sigh* A week off spoiled me....

Post-Wedding Notes

The wedding has passed us by. The day that Hannah, Jay, myself, Mo and all our friends have been waiting for is done. It seems surreal. From the engagement day to this past Friday evening it's been a long wait of anticipation. And I must say, well worth the wait. We had such a blast all week! Those Irish boys are absolutely insane. I have to refrain from going into too much detail here seeing as how some of this could lead to incriminating evidence against the lads at some point down the road. Just know, we had fun!

On other notes, I am incredibly tired from the entire week. Incredibly broke due to all the wedding expenses: hair, nails, dress, shoes, make up, dinners, cocktails. It's been a very financially draining week. Eeeek. Looks like there are lots of inventive meals in my future. Can anyone figure out a recipe I can use eggs, macaroni, and ravioli in? Sounds delicious.

I allowed myself some indulgences during the past week. I had been doing very well on the whole Diet front. I just have to get back into the ol' routine. I think I let myself pretend I was on vacation along with the Irish and thus uprooted myself from salads, grilled chicken, and low-fat yogurt for several days. Thank goodness, I have two more yogurts left in the fridge. Small blessings.

I am off to watch "Now and Then," a movie I haven't seen all the way through in a very long time. I may have to get rid of my beloved Netflix to save some cash this summer so I better take it all in while I still can.

Goooood night.