Realizations Unwanted

Has anyone ever told you something about your past that you yourself had no idea happened? They open this Pandora's box and suddenly the flood gates of your mind are rushing with thoughts, worries, panics, and worst of all, regret. You tell yourself its all going to go away. It happened a long time ago and there's no reason to be upset, but that doesn't plug the flood. In fact, the thoughts are coming more quickly now, rapidly ripping all rational argument from your mind. Could this one thing entirely change your existence? Does it change your experiences? Tear back the flesh of old wounds? Maybe. Maybe it doesn't though. Maybe it just stews in your mind reminding you of why these things have been set aside for so long; why you've been meticulously building a wall to hold in these particular floods for 3 years of your life. You've pushed, pulled, beaten yourself into a bloody mess of your former self many times over only to lay the discarded hatred and misunderstanding in front of a rushing onslaught of fear and denial. If you don't acknowledge it, it's not real right? Right...

Real Simple, Poets & Writers, Sundays

Two new magazine romances: Real Simple for all my "adult" fashion and decor needs, and Poets and Writers for all my intrigue of MFA programs, fiction pieces, up and comers, etc. Both great. Both slightly expensive but totally worth it. Maybe I should look into subscriptions... I digress.

Today is my day off. I am eating it up. Monday - Thursday and Thursday - Saturday night I am either at school all day or at work all day, with little break to watch TV, read, eat... Sunday is the sanctuary for which I wait all week. Sitting on my futon couch looking out the front window to see the beautiful sun and leaves blowing in the fall breeze... perfection in Wisconsin. I love that the leaves are finally changing. It makes the world seem a bit magical.

Also having a day off leaves me free to catch up with old friends, good books, etc. Erica is going to be coming over for lunch soon and we're making some delicious taco salad. I am both thrilled for taco salad and thrilled for Erica. I haven't seen her in a very long time and we can chit chat about all her wedding plans. Less than a year away!

The down fall of Sundays: the next day is Monday, aka the day from college hell. I have class from 1245 until 9 pm with a 1 hour break. It's quite crazy but I can't say I hate it... yet. I'm sure I will towards the end of the semester. Tomorrow is especially going to be rough considering I have a group meeting at 1030 in the morning, then class all day with a 2nd group meeting after 5. At least night class is canceled to leave room for group work or I'd lose my mind. Oh wait... I probably already have...

A sea of worries

I'm awash with worry the last two days. It began with a night of tossing and turning and ended with my spending last night at Jamie's to avoid curling up in a ball on my bed in fear. There have been many scary arrests being made VERY near my house and its gotten a bit out of hand. All this makes me think, "Why should I be scared? What is meant to be is going to happen no matter where I live, what I do to defend myself, etc. I should just man up." Then the other part of my body screams, "Are you kidding!? Get out while you still can!!" For now, I'm going to tough it out. There's not much else I can do with a limited college kid income.

In other happier news, I was named the new Chief Copy Editor for the Sheepshead Review Journal of the Arts. It's bittersweet to me though. I just spent 6 semesters editing a newspaper and now I'm going to be doing some more editing. Don't get me wrong, I will love it. Part of me just wishes I could get away from all the editing and do something else for a while. It'll look great on my resume though so can't complain too much :) The Sheepshead Journal is a beautiful, fun publication and I'm so proud to be a part of it.

This morning I am sitting on Jamie's couch watching "Gilmore Girls" and oddly enough, contemplating baby names. No, I am not pregnant nor do I want to be. I was just discussing baby names with my pregnant co-worker last week and it got me thinking about it. I would seriously consider naming one of my daughters after a Gilmore character. I like Lane and Lorelei. Those are my picks. My other baby name hopefuls for girls are as follows:
1. Penelope Joyce *Joyce is a family name
2. Harper Lorelei
3. Claire Pearl *Pearl is a family name
4. Thisbe Lane (Pronounced Thiz-bee - a Shakespeare character)

For boys... (Note: not as many as girls because I am bad at boy names)
1. Milo Jay
2. Caleb Daniel *Daniel a family name
3. Leo (middle name unknown)

So now that I got all that out of my mind and down in writing, time to move on from maternal instincts.

Grad schools.... *sigh* Time to start thinking long term. God, help me.

Caramel Apple Cookies = Awesome

The first full week of school is almost done and I can proudly say I only missed one class for a very practical reason. *Pats self on back* I'm doing good! I actually do not hate any of the classes I am in (yet!), and my professors all seem pretty cool. Two professors I've had before, three new ones, all nice so far; I'm not overly concerned. My last semester of school should go pretty smoothly. *Sigh of relief*

On the school note, I have applied to be an editor on the Sheepshead Review: Journal of the Arts on campus. They are the publication who chose my poem last year as their Rising Phoenix winner. I worked on the journal once before as a copy-editing assistant. I liked it then but I was so wrapped up in the newspaper on campus and other things that I let Sheepshead fall off my map. Now that I've freed up some time though, I am really hoping to be an editor for them. I love all the things they stand for and do for the campus. They publish nonfiction, fiction, poetry, and visual arts pieces from students on campus. It's pretty fantastic and I feel pretty lucky that UWGB actually has this kind of thing available for their students to be involved in. I sound like an infomercial for campus... And moving on.

Tomorrow is my first day back at work after a nice week off. Ick! I am not looking forward to it but I do need the money so... whatever. Subsequently it is my first weekend of Sundays OFF! No work and no school and no commitments of any kind. YAY!!!! It's going to be so lovely, I can't even describe it.

I think that's all I've got for now. Night night!

The Real Door County Update

Now that I am home and hoping that my laptop doesn't pull the manuever that Jamie's did, I can update on our Door County trip. It was a lot of fun! The first day we got there, we spent the night walking around Ephraim and Fish Creek. We bought fudge and looked at tons of jewlery, clothes, mouthblown glass (including Berni, a glass fish Jamie loved), scoped out some coffee shops and what not. I ended up buying some really cool stuff - a hand-made hat, an awesome necklace with an octupus on it, and some huge sunglasses.

After shopping, we went back to the hotel and chilled for the rest of the evening. We had some dinner (i.e. turkey sandwiches and chips) then fell asleep. It was so relaxing just being away from home that I felt sleepy most of the time. The next day sadly we woke up to rain, cloudiness and fog, which didn't lift until late in the day. Regardless, we went out for breakfast where I had a fabulous omlette that was way over-priced, then took a nap at the hotel. In the afternoon, we drove all the way up the peninsula to see the lake. It would've been even more amazing if it hadn't been raining but was still pretty cool.

Saturday evening we went to this very lovely restaurant called Top Deck that overlooks Lake Michigan. The rain and fog had started to lift at this point so we could see further out on the water. Dinner was good then we went back to swim in the heated, lit pool - the only pool time we got but it was toasty warm in there so it worked out just fine. Another night of good sleep, and the next day we were on our way back to Green Bay for the Packer game. Now, if you know me, you know I don't like the Packers, however, I attempted to make the effort. I'm not sure if Jamie was happy about this or annoyed. I tend to ask some really dumb questions when it comes to football due to lack of understanding... I TRIED, OK!?

So that's that. Good night blog-world.

Live from Door County!

I am very annoyed that I just typed out a bunch of stuff about Door County (since we are finally here!) and then the laptop randomly decided to delete it....

Thanks stupid laptop. Guess I'll wait til later to update out of shear agitation.

Good night.

Second 1st Day

So today was my "second 1st day" of classes for the semester. I say this because I've already had two days of 1 class, and today was my first day for 2 classes. The way they start the semester is always so crazy. I will have met with my Nut Sci (haha nut sci) class three times before I even have 1 of my night class sessions. Bah. Whatever college crazies! Get it together! But I digress. Overall it was a good day. I had a Public Relations class which I'm assuming is going to be all about our group project at the end of the semester (or so it seemed) then went to Language and Society where I learned some semi-interesting things about the way people talk in elevators...

After those classes I attended the meeting of the Sheepshead Review class. Although I am not actually IN that class, I decided to be in the org for it. Sheepshead Review is this great campus arts journal that I was given a poetry award by this past spring. I've worked on it one semester before and kept meaning to get involved again. Since I am no longer working for the campus newspaper, now is the perfect time. I will have the time commitment to them and hopefully can wrangle an editor position to plump up my resume. Not to mention, I love all the people who put together the SHR journal. With all my comm classes this fall, I was sure I'd be missing my English major friends. But now! I'll see them in SHR. Yay!!!

Tomorrow I have one class for an hour and 20 min. then I have a dreaded 8-hour shift of work (bleh!). After that though, I get to pack for Door County!!! I cannot wait. It'll be so nice to be off the WHOLE weekend and get to relax with Jamie. Fall is by far my favorite time of year and I am very excited to get up by the water and just relax, read, wander. It'll be wonderful!

Coffee Addictions & GG

Recently my mornings result in waking up, half alive, crawling/walking into the kitchen and immediately filling the coffeemaker. It's getting a bit ridiculous. This addiction to coffee is almost startling. When I was young, I would've sworn that I'd never drink the stuff - ever! Then with the discovery of novelty coffee shops like Gloria Jeans and Starbucks, I became a fan of flavored coffee. Then last year, I realized that they actually make flavored coffee that you can buy at the store and make in your home! What a lovely thought. Vanilla coffee and skinny caramel machiatto creamer in my living room? Heart be still! *sip*

My other addiction right now: Gilmore Girls. It's always been an addiction for me but with the cooler, fall weather, it's a staple. Something about the leaves falling and pulling out the old coats and scarves reminds me of those wacky Gilmore Girls and their witty banter. In fact, as I type this I am enjoying season 3. Rory & Jess - what a cute couple! If only he hadn't been a rebellious jerk! Woa woa woa. Simmer down now...

Have a good Labor Day, bloggers!

Computer!

I got my laptop back so now I can finally update my blog and get back into "cyber" world... I don't know if that's a good thing.

My first class of my last semester at UWGB was today. Wow... 5 years have gone by since I graduated high school and sometimes I feel like it is my first day on campus. I see all these freshmen running around like chickens with their heads cut off. They're holding up maps of campus and wearing backpacks that are filled to the brim with new textbooks. Their coffee mugs, t-shirts, day planners, and sweatpants all have school embellishments visible. I'm sure when I was a freshmen, there was some 5th year senior watching me wander aimlessly around the Union and giggling at my expense too. Tradition is a funny thing.

On a happy note, next week is my 1-year anniversary since the first kiss between Jamie and I. Another wow moment... I am shocked that its been a whole year since we first started smooching. We've had a few ups and downs but overall, we're as happy as ever, which is all I can ask for. There's that old girlie saying about being in love with your best friend and how wonderful it is... I think for us, it was the opposite. I fell in love and then he became my best friend - the one who holds me up, makes me laugh, rubs my back at night, cuddles me early in the morning, snores into the night, teases me... It's all good and soon it'll be all good in Door Co. :) We are staying at the Bay Breeze in Ephraim for two nights. Check it out:

It's not the most amazingly gorgeous Door Co. resort, however, it is directly acrossed from the beach, it was only slightly over our budget, AND they have a whirlpool in the room. Not to mention their outdoor, heated pool and hot tub. Uh, yeah. Needless to say, I'm definitely looking forward to next weekend.

Good night, blog world.