Early Morning Revelations

So .... it's been a long while since I've been on here. I was reading this morning, a book by my favorite author, and I suddenly got very intrigued about her life. What does Sarah Dessen do when she's not writing the books that highlight my life? In the back section of her books there is always the same short bio about how Sarah lives in North Carolina and teaches at the University of Chapel Hill. 'Well,' I thought to myself, 'I want to go to grad school, maybe they have one there.' Turns out - after a little research - that they do not have a grad program for creative writing (MFA degrees) and disappointingly enough, Sarah no longer works for the U. Slightly saddened by this - now how will I randomly walk into her classroom and say, "Hi! You've influenced my life in ways you'll never even understand..." I'll have to come up with a new plan.

Also as I am reading about Sarah's life, with her dogs and her daughter and her husband, I am suddenly saddened that soon, very soon, I will graduate from college - the place where I have spent most of my time for the last 5 years and I now realize that I won't have this wonderful excuse to sit around and read poetry, or write lots of pointless pages of stuff about life and that kind of random thing that makes no sense... But then I wondered, why can't I continue to do this? And I read more about Sarah - in her bio she took 5.5 years to complete her undergrad (just like me) and she spent a few years post-grad waiting tables and writing (I'd love to do that), then she got her first book published and was hired to teach WITHOUT an MFA (as far as I can tell) - well WHY CANT I? is what came to mind. I had this flash of brilliant light in my head with a choir singing AMEN! at the top of their lungs - Why couldn't I teach at a college level? I loved being a TA with my CW professor last semester. It was one of the most uplifting and interesting experiences I've ever had. I want to teach. I want to be submerged in writing All The Time. I want to sit and read and discuss fiction and poetry with people a lot - every day if I can. It keeps my mind happy. I literally can feel my brain smiling when I am reading an EE Cummings poem or learning something new about how to write a convincing character. So this is the plan - graduate at UWGB, write every day, and do what I can to stay creative, even if that means waiting tables some day.

After all this super intense thinking about my future and what I want to do, I feel very worn out. I was awakened by Jamie around 7 am saying "Time to get up..." in that way that means "Get out of bed right now or you'll make me late for class... again." I can't help that 7 am is very very early for me. Yet another thing I'd like to do - Learn to get up early and enjoy it.

So I sit her procrastinating another boring analysis paper of a movie for Intro to Film that I did not watch, and wondering if anything is going to turn out the way that I hope it does. Probably not. But isn't that why we write? Those always turn out the way I want....

Have a beautiful day out there, world.